Malachi and Kellie

L to R: Malachi, me, Kellie, William (my older brother) and Becca (my little sister) is in the front.
Summer 2012. The last Summer I spent with Malachi and Kellie.

I'm going to write about something important.

Almost exactly a month ago two of my close friends got killed in a car accident. The night we heard was a night that will be hard to forget. China felt lonely again. Hardly anybody really knew exactly we were feeling and I wanted so badly to be with people who could comfort me and who I could comfort in return.
One of our friends from home told my brother in America to have one of my parents call him... so my Mom called our friend.
As I walked by the door I listened for a few minutes and my sister and I stood there. The conversation sounded intense and when I heard the name Malachi I looked up at my sister and started crying. I hadn't even heard what had happened yet but the thought of losing him was unbearable. Malachi is the guy who came here to spend Christmas with my family and I and he was one of the sweetest, best guys I knew. After my Mom was done on the phone I walked in and she said that not only had Malachi died but one of my best friends, Kellie had died with him. This is the first real tragedy that has happened in my life and I haven't experienced pain like this before. My family and I sat there in the room and cried and talked and prayed and stared into nothing and tried to wrap our minds around something so unbelievable as this. We didn't sleep until after 3 and even then how can you sleep with something like that to think about? One second my two, beautiful friends are here on this earth, probably smiling their amazing smiles and talking with their beautiful voices and the next second... they've left. Gone... farther away than ever before. We'll never see them again here on this earth. Every Summer I spend in America I won't get to hug those two and share in crazy adventures with each of them. They won't be around. At all. Ever.
I reach Heaven.
And around the corner, here comes Malachi and Kellie.
My friends that I've missed ever since they went home.

The past month has been hard. It's been full of pictures posted of them, people from all over writing about them, talking about Heaven, hugging each other a million times and having the best excuse to cry over and over again. And it's surprising how easy it is to cry sometimes.
I was thinking about something... 
Somehow my life feels more like a real life now that I've experienced true pain. Two people that I thought would be around for... well I guess forever have been taken out of so many people's lives and it makes life feel so real.

I'm SO happy that I had the chance to talk to Malachi the day before it happened. I heard his voice and we talked about seeing each other this Summer and music. He laughed a lot too. One time during conversation the connection was cutting out and it sounded like he was singing (like he always was) and my brother asked him if he was and he laughed again and we laughed with him. When my brother and I were saying goodbye he said "bye! Stay gold like you always do." And that's the last time I heard his voice. He sounded so alive.
I hadn't talked to Kellie that much right before it happened... we'd been messaging on facebook and the last message I have from her says something like "I'm excited to make lots of new friends..." and she never got that chance. That message was about 2 and a half weeks before she died. We've always been pretty close though and she was always one of my best friends. I'm so thankful that this past Summer we hung out a lot more than we have before. She drove me around where we lived and we shopped and ate good food and talked about life. One night I was sleeping at her house and we stayed up way too late showing each other all our cute guy friends on facebook. Oh yeah this one is cute... oh he's cute too. This one is really hot... but he has a girlfriend :p

I just love that they are both in Heaven.
I love that all their friends and family (including me) here on earth have an extra reason to want to be with Jesus. 
I love them and even though I miss them too much for words, I'm glad that we have many, many, many, many, days together ahead. Kellie, Malachi, all of us.

I miss your faces Mal and Kel. <3

x, a
This song reminds me of these past weeks and it's so beautiful.

p.s. Madeleine Miller, you and your family are in my thoughts a lot. I love you Mo, and I'm so happy that I got to be a part of your sisters life, as well as yours. xo.


  1. Oh Annie, I know your pain. It seems like 2013 has had too much death for my taste; too many people that I have known have died. One of my friend's boyfriend died in a car accident, and even though I didn't know him, I cried a lot because I saw her in so much pain. he had such a heart for the Lord and was going to seminary and was a born leader, sometimes I question why God took him away so early when he had such a passion for the gospel?
    And just at the end of february, my grandfather died of a massive heart attack. I know the pain and seeing others hurt and hurting excruciatingly yourself. As heartbreaking as it is though, it reminds me that I want to finish well. No matter when I die, I want to be such a light for Christ that people will see him (and only him) through me. the deaths helped re-focus my eyes on Christ. I'm sure the Lord will do the same for you; trials are here to test our faith and produce endurance.
    I'll be praying for you.

  2. Thank you for sharing your most difficult feelings.....I missed your family so much the day we heard about the accident....didn't seem right that you weren't here to share the shock and sadness when so much of our lives we have shared joy and celebrations. Didn't seem right and still doesn't.....looking forward to you and all the rest!

  3. Natalie: Thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words :) It means soo much to me that you'd comment and share that stuff with me!! I hope you are doing better too and know that I'll pray for you too. xoxo.

    Dennie: I know. I missed everybody TONS and wished so badly to be back in Colorado with you all. I'm so happy to have friends like you all even when I live thousands of miles away. I love you guys! xxx.

  4. Hey Annie! I'm sorry I'm so bad at following blogs (I signed up! I'm here!), but this post about Mal and Kellie was so perfect. I mean, I miss them again and a lot more after reading it. I forgot that you talked to Malachi the day before; I'm so glad you did! Looking back through all the texts he sent me in the last few months was one of the sweetest things. He always went overboard with his love, and now that he's gone it all makes sense. As for Kel, I dreamed about her yesterday morning right before I woke up. She was laughing her little inconspicuous chuckle, and I reached over and hugged her around the shoulders. Some days it just feels harder because every day they're just more gone. I hope we can all continue to love others like they did. Love and miss you!